Date: 23, April, 2022

In today’s educational system, the focus on academics is being highlighted by the pushed-down curriculums around the world. But these skills will only help your child get through their academic life. To really become a successful, well-rounded, happy person, we need to balance this out with having high emotional intelligence. 

Studies have shown that children with higher EQ (emotional quotient) are more co-operative, have better grades, make healthier choices and become better leaders. As well as this, having higher emotional intelligence is a greater predictor of career success than a high IQ because employers are looking for candidates who are motivated to get the job done, who can build stronger relationships with their colleagues and collaborate more effectively in teams. 

How to nurture your child’s emotional intelligence?

Use Emotion Coaching

This is a parenting strategy used to teach children about feelings and emotions: 

• Step 1: be aware of your own feelings and emotions and share them with your children and explain how those emotions feel like, sound like, look like (in colour). 
• Step 2: encourage your child to discuss their feelings and take your child’s feelings seriously. Allow them to know that it is ok to feel the way they do and give them time to process their feelings. 
• Step 3: acknowledge and empathize with your child’s feelings by listening attentively and being in the present. 
• Step 4: name these emotions and talk about when people feel these emotions and what those emotions mean. Discuss examples of when you have felt these emotions.
• Step 5: Explain that it is ok to feel emotions but why their behaviour to those emotions is inappropriate or hurtful. Once they understand, support them to reflect on their behaviours and come up with solutions for next time. 

Role Play Emotions

Role play different emotions, for example, make an excited face and describe in a statement why you are so excited “I am feeling so excited because Nan and Pop are arriving from Australia tonight”. Use words such as ‘I can’t wait, I am eager, I am thrilled to see them’ which are associated with being excited. 

Show a ‘feelings’ chart and ask your child to act out a scenario where they would use that specific emotion.

Replay Their Reactions

You could also replay your child’s emotions and how they responded to their behaviours so they can see it clearly. Ask them how they thought you were when you acted like this. Did they like it? Did they think the words you repeated were hurtful? This helps them to put themselves in other peoples shoes and respond with empathy. It allows them to become more aware of their behaviours.

Share Your Emotions

Be vulnerable and discuss your own emotions with your child and model how you would overcome your emotions by thinking out loud. For example “I am feeling a little disappointed at the moment because the cake didn’t look like it should. It is making me sad. How can I do better next time? I will follow the recipe more closely next time, practice makes perfect”

Be A Storyteller

Story telling is a great way to allow children to understand how each character is feeling and how they overcome their setbacks. During a reading, ask your child how the character in the story feels? Why do they think the character is feeling this way? This can help to build empathy. You can also model to your child by saying ‘I think the character is feeling….. because……’. “How did the character overcome the problem? Do you think you can come up with another solution?” 

People Watch

When going out for a walk with your child, ask your child to people watch and wonder how different strangers are feeling and why? For example “What do you think that man is feeling at the moment? Why do you think so?” if your child is unsure about the answer, model it to your child. “I think the man is feeling sleepy because he looks so relaxed with his arms crossed, head tilted and legs out whilst sitting on the bench”. 

Respond Rather than React

When children are reacting, recognise any negative emotions and behaviours as an opportunity to connect. Don’t react but respond by giving yourself some time to be more aware of your own emotions, and evaluate the best strategy from the above to take to respond and teach your child about emotional intelligence. 

Hope this helps! Have fun exploring and developing Emotional Intelligence!

By: Ivy